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“透視領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力”是一個(gè)在線互動(dòng)社區(qū)，那些最具思想和影響力的商界人物會(huì)在此及時(shí)回答關(guān)于職業(yè)發(fā)展和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力的問(wèn)題,。今天的問(wèn)題是：“怎樣解決辦公室矛盾,？”回答者是Karrikins Group首席促進(jìn)增長(zhǎng)官朱莉?威廉姆森，她也是《問(wèn)題關(guān)鍵：眼光不拘于競(jìng)爭(zhēng),，創(chuàng)造更多價(jià)值成為明顯選擇》一書(shū)的聯(lián)合作者,。。

我們不可能跟所有人和睦相處,。如果在辦公室跟人結(jié)了怨,，大家都知道這會(huì)讓工作環(huán)境變得多么令人分心和有害。在上班路上想著自己會(huì)面對(duì)某人隱隱的怨氣,，或者在更壞情況下,，面對(duì)某人公然的惡意行為是一種很糟糕的感覺(jué)。無(wú)論誰(shuí)對(duì)誰(shuí)錯(cuò),，同事們或許都會(huì)給你們施加壓力,，要求你們修補(bǔ)關(guān)系，而且要迅速這樣做,，以免個(gè)人恩怨影響工作項(xiàng)目,。

怎樣解決糾紛也會(huì)對(duì)你自己的職業(yè)地位產(chǎn)生直接影響。以下是化解矛盾并重回正軌的三個(gè)步驟：

靜下來(lái)并自我調(diào)整

在采取任何種類(lèi)的行動(dòng)前,，趁著記憶依然清晰,，花點(diǎn)兒時(shí)間回想一下剛剛發(fā)生的事。找個(gè)安靜的地方坐下來(lái),，深吸一口氣,。用盡量客觀的態(tài)度做一些記錄，重點(diǎn)是誰(shuí)說(shuō)了什么,，紛爭(zhēng)是怎樣開(kāi)始的,，以及其他相關(guān)信息?；叵霙_突事件絕非易事,，但如果等的時(shí)間太長(zhǎng)，也許就會(huì)忘記關(guān)鍵的細(xì)節(jié),。

假設(shè)和你起沖突的同事也在做記錄,。請(qǐng)記住，你們可能都覺(jué)得受了傷,，分了心,，而且不知道接下來(lái)該怎么辦。

向信得過(guò)的哥們傾訴

在辦公室里有個(gè)信得過(guò)的哥們?cè)诟星樯现С帜憧偸呛玫?。如果和別人發(fā)生了矛盾,，請(qǐng)抑制住吐槽對(duì)方特征的沖動(dòng)，這不會(huì)幫你解決問(wèn)題。相反,，要讓你的哥們通過(guò)提供客觀意見(jiàn)的方式來(lái)協(xié)助你,。

和他們一起回顧你對(duì)這場(chǎng)沖突的看法，讓他們問(wèn)你一些直截了當(dāng)?shù)膯?wèn)題,，以便剖析局勢(shì),，而且要愿意傾聽(tīng)他們的反饋。他們也許能拿出新的見(jiàn)解,，從而幫你擺脫怨氣的困擾,。要當(dāng)面或者通過(guò)電話來(lái)做這件事，不要寫(xiě)電子郵件或者發(fā)信息,，因?yàn)楹笳吆苋菀妆徽`解,。

直面問(wèn)題

你可能覺(jué)得自己徹底受到了傷害和誤解。想到不得不向跟你起沖突的同事“示好”也許會(huì)讓你很生氣,。如果能夠表明你對(duì)工作投入的更多,，而不是自己受傷的情感，你也許會(huì)有一些強(qiáng)力收獲,。采取積極姿態(tài)能證明你自己的價(jià)值,，從而讓上司更多的支持你。

我有一位步入職場(chǎng)不久的同事,，他跟另一位同事似乎莫名其妙地產(chǎn)生了矛盾,。他表示：“說(shuō)實(shí)話，我不知道自己怎么招惹他了,。所以我甚至不愿意承認(rèn)有這么個(gè)問(wèn)題,。”

由于他們?cè)谕粋€(gè)項(xiàng)目里而且面臨著完成工作的壓力,，我的這位同事決定直接面對(duì)問(wèn)題。他請(qǐng)后者去吃午飯,，而且明確地講了自己的想法,。“我告訴他我很擔(dān)心,，也很困惑,。我說(shuō)自己可能在無(wú)意間冒犯了他?！庇捎跒檎勗拕?chuàng)造了一個(gè)安全的環(huán)境,，他讓這位同事很放松。

午飯吃了一大半后他們發(fā)現(xiàn)兩人都在無(wú)意間傷到了對(duì)方,。他說(shuō)：“實(shí)際上我們的談話很棒,。我們倆都不應(yīng)該受責(zé)備，但如果不說(shuō)，我們也許永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)知道,?！?/p>

如果必須把矛盾告訴上司，那就要確保自己通過(guò)上述三個(gè)步驟嘗試了所有可能的解決辦法,。管理者一般都不愿參與到?jīng)_突中,。

人們總會(huì)有自己的第一次辦公室沖突，而且有可能不是最后一次,。如果有成功化解矛盾的經(jīng)驗(yàn),，你就會(huì)有信心和思路來(lái)解決今后的其他沖突。

不過(guò),，如果另一方就是不愿意積極配合,，請(qǐng)記住兩條基本原則。首先,，不要在社交媒體上發(fā)牢騷,，就算用的是個(gè)人賬號(hào)。要把問(wèn)題留在職場(chǎng)上,。其次,，照顧好自己。給自己創(chuàng)造一些空間并走出辦公室,。把它排解掉,，去上一堂精彩的瑜伽課，舒暢地跑一場(chǎng),，做一份賞心悅目的美餐,，或者做點(diǎn)兒別的什么來(lái)提醒自己生活絕不只是工作上的矛盾。（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：Charlie

審稿：夏林

The Leadership Insiders network is an online community where the most thoughtful and influential people in business contribute answers to timely questions about careers and leadership. Today's answer to the question, "How do you resolve an office feud?" is written by Julie Williamson, chief growth enabler with Karrikins Group and co-author of Matter: Move Beyond the Competition, Create More Value, and Become the Obvious Choice.

We can't get along with everyone. If you've ever been involved in an office feud, you know how disruptive and toxic it can be for the workplace. It feels terrible to come to work anticipating someone's subtle resentment, or worse, overtly bad behavior. And no matter who's right or wrong, your colleagues may put pressure on you to fix it—and fast, before it gets in the way of a work project.

How you resolve the conflict can have a direct bearing on your own professional standing as well. Here are three steps for resolving the feud and getting back on track:

Stop and regroup

Before taking any kind of action, take time to reflect on what just happened while it's still fresh in your mind. Sit down somewhere quiet and take a deep breath. Jot down some notes as objectively as you can, focusing on who said what, how the fight started, and other relevant information. Revisiting a conflict is never easy, but if you wait too long, you may not remember key details.

Assume that your counterpart is also doing their own version of this. Remember that you both likely feel injured, disrupted, and unsure of how to move forward.

Confide in a trusted ally

It's always good to have a trusted ally in the office for emotional support. If and when you wind up in a conflict, resist the urge to vent about the character of your opponent—that's not going to help you get over this. Instead, ask for your ally's assistance as an objective sounding board.

Review your understanding of the conflict with them, have them ask you pointed questions to dig into the situation, and be willing to listen to their feedback. They may provide new insights that can help keep you out of the resentment trap. Go through this process in person or on the phone—not through email or text, which can be easily misconstrued.

Confront the situation directly

You may feel completely wronged and misunderstood, and it may be infuriating to think of having to "make nice" with the coworker you're in conflict with. If you can show that you're more invested in your job than your hurt feelings, you may reap a powerful reward. Taking the high road will demonstrate your own value in a way that will produce more support from your supervisors.

Earlier in his career, a colleague of mine wound up in a conflict with a coworker that seemed to come out of left field. "I honestly had no idea what I had done to upset him," he said. "So I was reluctant to even acknowledge there was a problem."

Since they were on the same project and under pressure to deliver, he decided to confront the situation directly. He invited the person to lunch and was transparent about his intentions. "I told him I was concerned and confused, and offered the possibility that I might have offended him unintentionally." By creating a safe space for the conversation, he set his coworker at ease.

It took the better part of their cheeseburgers to figure out that they were inadvertently treading on each other's toes. "Actually, it was a great thing we talked," he said. "Neither of us was to blame, but we never would have known."

If you do have to take your feud to your boss, make sure you've exhausted the possibility of a solution by completing these three steps first. Managers generally prefer to stay out of conflicts.

There's always a first time for an office conflict, and there probably won't be a last. If you have the experience of successfully defusing a feud, you'll have the confidence and the presence of mind to resolve others in the future.

That said, if the other person simply won't engage productively, remember these two cardinal rules: First, absolutely no grousing on social media, even your personal accounts. Keep it professional. Second, take care of yourself. Create some space and get outside the office. Work it out of your system with a great yoga class, a good run, cooking an amazing meal, or doing something that reminds you there's more to life than a conflict at work.